Thanks For Playing. Better Luck Next Time, Loser.

Leftovers take a long time to get rid of.  Remember the sweet potato casserole I made somewhere around the 15th?  Yeah, still in the fridge with about 1/3 left.  The smokey tomato-bacon pasta--that sucker took 5 separate meals to eat and that was WITH someone eating their share.  I swear, with the exception of maybe 3-4 meals in the span of 10 days, I've eaten the same food for lunch and dinner.  That's what happens when you make Paula Deen portions I guess.  So I apologize, devoted readers, I had nothing to post since I ate the same thing...over and over and over and over...

Today I bring you news of my first real kitchen failure.  It all started with a suggestion that someone cook dinner for me.  "Fine," I announced, "I'll make the dessert!"  Giddy with trying my luck at my first real dessert, I settled on bread pudding since I just had my first taste of it at the Sox game I went to the weekend before and it was mighty tasty.  And Paula Deen's version of bread pudding had to be good.  It just had to be.  It was called "Coconut Cream Bread Pudding with Chocolate Velvet Sauce" for crying out loud!  Here is where the problem started.  It called for "one 15 ounce can cream of coconut".  Couldn't find it in the grocery store.  Yes, I looked in the International Aisle.  Yes, I'm sure it wasn't there.

Lesson 1: You can't substitute things in desserts like you can in non-dessert cooking, especially when the name of that something you're substituting is in the title of the dessert.  I know this now.

It started out okay.  Instead of a 16-20 inch French loaf, I found French rolls (is this the same thing?  I'm still not sure) and chopped them into cubes and lined the baking pan.

Next, I whipped up what was supposed to turn into the custard, which was comprised of egg yolks, coconut milk, cream of coconut (remember yo no tengo), salt, nutmeg, shredded sweetened coconut, and mace--no clue what mace is but I did find it in the spice aisle.  Aside from the mini battle I had with the electric can opener which decided to crap out on me with the first can of coconut milk (and would you think my parents had a manual one?? NO!) which was followed by my horror movie stabbing to poke a hole in the top of the cans, there was nothing wrong looking about this mixture...except that I was missing the cream of coconut...have I mentioned that?

I was then instructed to pour this concoction into the pan and pat the bread down so it would soak up the "custard" sans cream of coconut.

And then I waited...for a hour while it was doing its thing in the refrigerator.

When that was done, I placed the entire baking dish in another "baking dish" - really what I cook turkeys in for Thanksgiving - with hot water coming 1/3 up the original baking dish.

And then I waited some more.  1 hour and 15 minutes more at 325 degrees.

Lesson 2: Be aware when the larger "baking dish" has a leak.  Do not use said baking dish.

Not long after the baking part of this fiasco was done, Paula (we're on a first name basis now) instructed me to cool this in the fridge completely before serving.  Now, around this time, I was getting a little impatient.  I mean, here's the awesome meal (fish tacos) that I had for dinner...

...so it's not like I'm complaining too much, but I wanted to experience this dessert already.

Okay, okay, maybe I rushed it a little because I put it in the freezer, but I promise you, ample time had passed.  Since I could wait no longer, and by now it was getting late, I popped it out, cut a small piece out, and kind of made a half conscious decision to forgo the Chocolate Velvet Sauce.

 Lesson 3: Do not forgo the chocolate velvet sauce.

That was the size of the piece I cut out for two people.  Not all of that got ingested since I fed almost my entire piece to the dog.

I guess it looks okay, but man, it did not taste too good.  Kind of mushy in a soaked piece of bread kind of way, not that sweet probably because I DIDN'T PUT THE CHOCOLATE VELVET SAUCE ON IT, and an overall disappointment; the dog kind of liked it.

That was two nights ago.  Tonight, I tried it again to see if any form of solidifying in the colder temperatures would help it.

Lesson 4: Colder temperature does not help bread pudding that's missing cream of coconut and the chocolate velvet sauce.

Plus, I swear I could taste the pinch of salt.  This is a total loss.  Into the garbage it goes.

And FYI, this is what it's supposed to look like: