Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there! I celebrated by spending one day doing the reverse of what my mom has done for me too many times to count...doting on someone other than myself. This morning, I had a grand plan to make blueberry filled ebelskivers for my mom but when I started to get out the ingredients, I realized I was missing something crucial: the pancake batter.
Luckily, since my mother is the most easy going, patient person on the planet (that's what 30+ years of teaching Special Ed will do to you) she was okay with me moving my prepared meal to dinner, which led me to my main course entitled Sage-Rubbed Pork Chops with Warm Apple Slaw.
After making the official decision of dinner, I extended the formal invitation to my parents to come over at 6 and set about learning how to make slaw. It's not too hard, now that it's all over and done with and I only suffered one minor injury...the grater and I will have words later.
I finally was able to clear off my prepping station, which further solidified my decision "to become a cook".
It's amazing how much more space I have without this entire block covered with mail/magazines/coupons/pens/rubber dinosaurs/etc.
I'm determined to keep it clean. After that, I set about getting everything set up so I could conquer it one vegetable at a time. Most of the vegetables called for them to be coarsely shredded and I figured my grater could accomplish that, given that it's got 4 different "settings" as I'll call it--one for each side.
With this meal, I took the Sun Tzu approach.
#1: Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.
I surveyed and circled my opponent--the whole vegetable--and braced myself for one challenge at a time. First, the apple--cored, cut in half, and coarsely shredded. Done. Second, the cabbage--cut in half, cored, and coarsely shredded. Done. Third, the carrots, the INNOCENT carrots--peeled, coarsely shredded. And this is where Angela ran into her enemy and things got ugly.
Sun Tzu advises that you should be "swift as the wind, quiet as the forest" in order to "conquer like the fire, steady as a mountain." Well, I can tell you that I nailed the swift as the wind bit, but was not quite as quiet as the forest when I accidently grated my thumb knuckle along with the carrot...I also broke the steady as the mountain part when I pulled my hand back in pain and dropped the grater with bits of carrots onto the floor. And I'm sure somewhere in "The Art of War" he indicated that you should not take the Lord's name in vain, which I did.
It took a while for the bleeding to stop (man fingers bleed like a sucker), but as a true kitchen champ (I saw Top Chef, I know how they judge you for not continuing with an injury like this!) I continued until the carrot was finished, to which I had to keep stopping every third pass to catch the dripping blood before it got on the food. Luckily, all I had left after that was the onion. And let me tell you, even the smallest onion juice hurts like none other when it finds its way into that gaping hole in your thumb.
#2:
A military operation involves deception. Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective.
That's it! I was pretending to be incompetent and ineffective the whole time! Obviously, I'm a strategic genius. Slaw ready to be cooked.
#3: Now the reason the enlightened prince and the wise general conquer the enemy whenever they move and their achievements surpass those of ordinary men is foreknowledge.
While the side battle was going on with the slaw, I had the pork chops soaking in the sage, salt, pepper, and garlic rub for 10 minutes. The recipe called for bone-in pork chops but I knew that I didn't want to deal with cutting that off and feeling as though I lost half my portion so I bought boneless instead and never looked back. I heated a pan with 2 tablespoons of olive oil and browned them for 2 minutes on each side (and didn't set off the smoke detector! For those who have been to my house before, you know that it's a little - and by a little I mean a lot - sensitive) and then put them on a side plate while I focused my attention back to the slaw.
#4: All men can see these tactics whereby I conquer, but what none can see is the strategy out of which victory is evolved.
I added the individual vegetables at different stages--apple and onion first, carrots and cabbage second--and then splashed a little apple cider vinegar and chicken broth in there to give it even more flavor. My only second thought here was that I should have cut the onions a little smaller to match the rest of the slaw. They were the only things I didn't grate and instead cut in half moons. It called for a whole onion but I only used half and that was plenty.
#5: Secret operations are essential in war; upon them the army relies to make its every move.
Peek-a-boo! What's that there? That's the pork chop tucked under the slaw for 7 minutes to make it even more explosive on the taste buds. I thought this was a brilliant step to make the dish come together with the flavors. Let's not even pretend for a second that I thought of it myself. The credit goes to Ellie Krieger.
#6: Subtle and insubstantial, the expert leaves no trace; divinely mysterious, he is inaudible. Thus he is master of his enemy's fate.
And this would be the final product served for dinner, except for my Dad's plate, which was just a piece of pork because he "doesn't do slaw". To make up for that, I crafted a salad. But I have to saw, it was pretty good! I actually tasted the apple in it even though it seemed like only a small component. There's a lot of slaw left over and I'll bet it tastes great cold! Slaw is an acquired taste I've found...when I was little you couldn't force me within 5 feet of it but one day, it just clicked. The pork chop turned out very tender and moist. I received more than an upraised eye brow when I mentioned I only cooked it for about 2 minutes on each side and then stuck it in the slaw.
#7: Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Did I mention that I made brownies for dessert? I found this great mix at Trader Joe's that was a lot less fat and sugar but held the promise to be equally as delicious. When I got home, I realized that it called for low fat vanilla yogurt, which I didn't have. But, further down it indicated that you could use 3/4 cup of apple sauce and then add a teaspoon of "your favorite extract". Luckily I'd bought apple sauce and had some vanilla extract. I was skeptical (to put it mildly) of the apple sauce and was sure I was making the other kind of special brownies...the kind that you don't eat because they're gross.
However, they were excellent and we ended up having two servings each! Couldn't really taste the apple component. This looks like it's burnt but I assure you, it's just perfectly moist (that's twice I've used that controversial word in this blog).
With that, I wish everyone a wonderful evening and will leave you once again with the wise words of Sun Tzu in a particularly befitting statement.
There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare.
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